


A Whip Stitch in Time

by anarchycox



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Feels, M/M, Sass, Seamstresses, Time Travel AU, merlin is in charge of wardrobe for time travel, misuse of pinking shears, repackaged KEU characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 11:20:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14104239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: based on the tumblr idea of how hard being the seamstress for time travelers would be. and it just seemed to fit so perfectly with the Kingsman universe. Functions as both a Kingsman au, and also a Knitter Eggsy Universe au.





	A Whip Stitch in Time

**Author's Note:**

> (this is the tumblr post that inspired this story)  
> nonlinear-nonsubjective:  
> swingsetindecember:
> 
> tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like  
> “1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”  
> and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent
> 
> “I literally made three- THREE- 18th century corsets last week. You can wait until one of them gets back, or you can go sometime post-1920s, because if I have to sew one more god damn channel I will literally lose my mind.”  
> “Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!”  
> “How about kimoNO.”  
> “Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”  
> “Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”  
> “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”  
> “THE POLICY IS ONE MONTH’S ADVANCE NOTICE ON PRE-1900s WOMEN’S FASHION FOR A REASON, DEBRA.”

“Wait, you ain’t joking?” Eggsy stared at Harry in shock. “Time travel? Bull fucking shit,” he said as they descended below the tailor’s shop.

“Eggsy, why would I make that up?”

“Because you are taking me to a weird freaky sex trafficking ring and I’m going to be tied up and used until I die and a funny lie will distract me?” 

“I’ve met the Marquis de Sade you know, a very smelly man. Though that is one thing you will have to get used to with time travel, the smells are…unique. Honestly 1/3rd of your training is just about learning not to flinch at the smells of shit and unwashed bodies.” Harry sighed. “Gawain gets the Viking assignments. Do you know how much they bathed? Wonderful people.”

“Are you delusional?” Eggsy asked. “I’m going to die aren’t I?”

“Perhaps, but it will be better than what you were facing,” Harry countered and they got onto the train and soon enough he was giving Eggsy over to Merlin.

“Galahad, late again,” Merlin said.

Harry gave him a small smile. “Well, time waits for no man.”

“Hmmm,” Merlin replied.

Eggsy looked between the two of them. “This the guy that going to drug me and tie me up and sell me?”

Merlin closed his eyes. “Lovely, Galahad.”

“He thinks we are sex traffickers.”

“Galahad, why do you make my job difficult?”

“Because it is fun,” Harry replied.

“Go on with you,” Merlin said and pointed Eggsy to the room. Eggsy went leaving the two men for the private talk they clearly wanted. Eggsy looked at the group. Posh tossers. Great. Although that meant maybe not sex slave trade. He wondered what to do, whether he made a bad choice, but it had to be better than Dean and a cleaver.

“Fall in,” Merlin said and Eggsy went into the group with the others. “I am Merlin, ye are about to embark on the most dangerous job interview of your lives. Can anyone tell me what this is?” He held up an item. Someone said body bag. “Good,” Merlin agreed. “Ye will write your name, blood type, and next of kin on it and then I will throw it out.” Merlin smiled a little at their confusion. “Because if ye die in a training exercise here, ye don’t get put in a body bag and sent home to your mama. You will just remain where you were forever and maybe one day an anthropologist will write a paper about the man with confusing underwear for the time frame.”

Eggsy looked at the group who were all nodding seriously. “Wait, this if for fucking real? Time travel?”

Merlin nodded. “Aye, and your lessons begin tomorrow. Enjoy your evening.” He turned and walked out of the room.

Eggsy ignored the arses who were trying to goad him and the girl who tried to make nice. He couldn’t take it in. Time travel. It still had to be a con. He still have believed it a con when a year later they stopped Valentine in 1972, and then somehow found Harry alive and trapped in 1936. But eventually he decided it was too much work just to con an estate kid and accepted it.

He traveled in time to save the world.

Wicked.

*************************

“Excuse me,” Merlin stared at Eggsy. “You need to do what now?”

“Look, Harry’s the one who hands out the assignments, I’m just following orders.” Eggsy stood in the middle of the room. “Look at your computer.”

“No, unacceptable.” Merlin crossed his arms.

“Wot? Why?” Eggsy protested.

“You have modern face,” Merlin grumbled. His team all working in the background nodded.

“I have no bloody clue what that means,” Eggsy said after a minute.

“Ye look too modern to go back to…1604? Harry wants me to send ye to 1604 with three days notice?” Merlin’s hand was clearly looking for something and Eggsy watched one of the women put a weight in his hand and Merlin threw it against the wall. It made a hell of a clang since one section had a big metal plate on it, clearly put there for when Merlin needed to throw something. “1604, ye haven’t been fitted for anything before the gilded age and I even objected to that.”

“Because I have modern face,” Eggsy said slowly.

“Exactly,” Merlin agreed. He stalked over to the wall and pulled off a book and began flipping through photos. “See Arthur, period face. Bedievere, period face. Gawain modern unless it is vikings. Me period until late middle ages then modern. Hamish the Second there, exquisite period face. Owain modern face.”

“Huh, I woulda thought Owain had period face,” Eggsy said, but then he thought about it. “Oh jesus he would look so wrong in a cravat.” Eggsy was starting to put it toggether, “Roxy has like super period face. She looks like a Gibson girl.”

“Aye, I could dress her in anything and it would look astonishing and perfect,” Merlin sighed dreamily and his whole team nodded in agreement. “But she also has a sensitive stomach and eating earlier than Regency era is problematic, even with the drugs we load ye with.” Merlin sighed again. “Picture her at Versailles.” The room ooohed.

“Yeah well I have a cast iron stomach, and an ear for dialect. You bloody trained me. I even manage the bloody great vowel shift. I never sound out of place.”

“But you look it!” Merlin said. “And three days to outfit you?” Merlin looked at the briefing. “In winter!!!! I’m sending you to Elizabethan winter. I need to go murder Arthur. Excuse me.” Merlin went over to his table and grabbed his pinking shears.

“Sir, might I suggest the leather shears?” Hamish the Second suggested.

“No, they wouldn’t hurt as much as these,” Merlin snarled and stormed out of the sewing room.

Pilar went over to Eggsy. “Well then, get naked.”

“Excuse me?” Eggsy automatically covered his junk.

“Hose, Galahad,” she said in her soft lilt. “If I am to measure ye for hose, I need you naked.”

“You said ye,” Eggsy pointed out.

“We spend up to 14 hours a day working in this room with Merlin, we all pick up the vocal tics.” Liz was prepping an Edwardian suit for Taliesin. “Sounds neat layered with Pilar’s Mexican accent.” Liz kept working on the hem. “Scottish cursing does not translate well into Hindi but I keep trying.”

Eggsy watched Hamish the Second go to the closet and open it. “Fucking hell,” he said getting a glimpse. It wasn’t a closet it was half of the floor.

“What, you didn’t think there was a reason we ask you not to fuck up your clothes if at all possible?” Pilar asked. Eggsy wasn’t moving quick enough for her liking and she just began to cut his track suit off of him. Hamish eventually returned with a rack of Elizabethan clothes that maybe they could adjust for Eggsy. Eggsy was about to protest and she tapped her shears very firmly against his nose. Eggsy got himself naked right quick. An hour later he was pinned into the most uncomfortable thing ever when Merlin returned looking a lot more mellow than when he left.

“Good work,” Merlin told his team. Hamish the Second and Liz exchanged a look. He went over to Eggsy. “The green didn’t work?”

“1604, not 1601, remember?” Pilar said around the pins in her mouth.

“What’s the difference?” Eggsy asked. He wondered if he was going to melt from the heat of the glares he was receiving. “Sorry?”

“It’s okay,” Pilar smiled prettily. “If you want to have rotten meat thrown at you by all means wear the clothes from 1601.”

“I’m going to be quiet.”

“A good call lad,” Merlin suggested. “And don’t worry, Pilar will pad out the cod piece enough so you don’t have to feel embarrassed.”

Eggsy opened his mouth to bitch but considering where Pilar had her needles, he decided to just smile.

He was never taking a mission outside the twentieth century again.

**********************

“You have a gift, Pilar, go to design school, abuela said. Get away from the family, from the cartels. Bring joy and not pain into the world, she said,” Pilar was standing in front of the Regimental uniforms circa the Napoleonic war at the Victoria and Albert. “You were not meant for a life of crime, abuela said. Her whole secret savings so I would not be involved in anything illegal.”

“I can get Liz,” Merlin offered.

“She’s busy blacking out security.” Pilar cursed a little in spanish. The lights flickered out and Merlin went forward and broke open the glass doors. Pilar had the mannequin stripped in less than a minute and they were out of the museum before the alarms went off. She slid on some sunglasses when they stepped outside.

“Ms. Innez may I just say you make being bad look good,” Merlin said and they went into the Kingsman car.

“Of course I do,” she replied.

“What,” Merlin said staring at Bors. “I read the brief, this is the uniform we needed.”

“Yeah, but Arthur and I discussed, and really for our needs, naval makes a lot more sense. I need a navel uniform, doesn’t need to be an officer. I get to play with cannons.” Bors looked positively gleeful. “R&D has created a webbing so it won’t blow out my ears. Great isn’t it?”

“We were told -” Merlin began again.

“What’s the big deal? You can just like dye that blue right?” Bors asked. He started to back up as Pilar started to walk towards him slowly. “Honey? I’m sorry?”

“Just dye a Lieutenants uniform to blue? Like naval and army weren’t made of different weight fabric? Like they had the same thread, buttons, cut?” She moved closer and Bors scanned the room for aid but none was coming for him. “Just that easy?”

“Well not like you have to do the time jump, just make it passable enough to get me on a naval boat,” Bors protested.

“Oh, passable,” she said. “Okay, we’ll make it passable. After we break into the V&A and return what we stole.”

“Do we have the time for that?” Bors asked. Pilar grabbed a seam ripper and held it to his throat. “You have the time,” he squeaked.

“Damn right we do.”

“Still making that casserole for dinner?” Bors asked his wife.

“No, I’m a little busy, having to make a ‘passable’ naval uniform from scratch,” she said. She flung five pounds at him. “Go buy a happy meal.” Bors quickly kissed her cheek and ran.

When he returned from his mission three weeks later, pale, and bloody, and shaken he went to Harry’s office. “Arthur, send word to all agents, never ever use the words ‘just make it passable’ to the sewing team.”

“What happened?” Harry asked concerned.

“I need 10 decon showers,” was all Bors said.

Harry went down to the sewing room and looked at Pilar and Merlin drinking tequila and giggling about passable and decided to walk away and just send a memo to all the agents.

He erased the police blotter about crimes at the V&A.

Pilar looked just as good breaking in as she did breaking out.

Bors didn’t get his casserole for another three weeks.

*************************

“Why are we all out here?” Eggsy asked cheerfully when he saw Merlin, Pilar, and Liz in the hall.

“Shhhh,” Liz muttered and threw her measuring tape at him.

Harry was coming running down the hall, “Have I missed it?” he asked and they all shook their heads.

“Missed what?” Eggsy asked. He saw the team peer around the door into the room and looked. “Owain getting ready for a mission?” he asked in a normal voice.

Owain turned and saw Eggsy and waved and then had to bite back a laugh as a hand snaked out and snapped him away from the door. He turned back and saw Hamish the Second kneeling working on his inseam and flushed.

Merlin put Eggsy against the wall. “Will ye shut up?” he hissed in a quiet voice. “I swear to god if ye fuck this up with your nosiness I will make sure you get sent to 1179. The clothes are incredibly itchy then.”

“Harry? Help?”

“No,” Harry said softly. “We have been working on this for months, and you will not ruin it Galahad.”

“Shit is it a mission?” Eggsy winced. “Does Owain have a rough mission?”

Liz raised her voice. “I hope that the clothes allow enough room for the vigorous dancing that occurred in 1927. Hamish make sure you double check that.” A few minutes later they could hear the bouncy jazz of the era play in the sewing room.

Harry looked in and smiled back. “They are dancing.”

Pilar was on the ground and looked and sighed happily.

Merlin was torn, he wanted to see but needed to keep Eggsy away in case he did something stupid.

Harry came over and blocked Eggsy, touched the small of Eggsy’s back. Merlin went to peer around the door and threw his arm over Liz’s shoulder at seeing Owain and Hamish the Second dance together. Owain looked at Hamish the Second like he hung the moon and Hamish like Owain was a gift. Merlin swayed a little to the music. He looked down at their feet. “Crap, Hamish the Second, the break on the trousers is too high for 1927.” Multiple pairs of hands dragged him away from the door.

Hamish the Second and Owain froze in the sewing room. They heard Eggsy shout, “Wait, Hamish the Second is the bloke wot Jesse goes on and on about being perfect and wanting to kiss and listen to music with? But he’s old and grumpy.” They then heard a few different thuds and Eggsy saying ow a lot.

Hamish the Second stepped away. “I need to fix the break on your trousers,” he said stiffly.

Owain felt helpless. “I like your old and grumpy. And time travel is making me old too. Gained a whole extra 18 months this past year. Let me be old enough for you not to worry and to kiss me?”

Hamish the Second stared at him.

“KISS HIM!” was roared from the hallway by multiple people.

Hamish the Second kissed him. “Be a dear and steal me a few ties from 1927?”

“I’d be happy to.”

“Excellent,” Merlin said in the hall. “Actually that raises a fair point. Arthur instruct all your agents to steal more accessories for us. The clothing we can manage, but hats and scarves, jewelry, watches, would be fantastic.”

“Dear god, have them steal hose,” Pilar said. “That stuff kills my hands.”

“Yes, Arthur, thread. Can they steal thread?” Liz asked. They all forgot about Eggsy and started to crowd Harry, who decided to run.

“We need beads!” Merlin shouted after him.

Eggsy looked in the sewing room and saw the two men kissing. “See I made that happen, you all sucked at shipping and matchmaking.”

Eggsy did indeed hate the clothes you wear in 1179.

***********************************

“You look stunning, Lancelot,” Merlin said as he worked on the hem.

“You have dresses from 1943 in your vault, why didn’t you just alter one, wouldn’t that be easier?” Roxy asked.. “In fact I am looking at it right there. Why a replica?”

“It is nae a replica,” Merlin explained. “A replica can be made used modern materials and techniques. I mean I used a sewing machine for this yes, but it was from 1940 so the stitches will match. We alter something from our collection we lose it’s original shape, cut, our model. We would have to take in the bust and the waist and that loses us the shape the way it is all structured.”

“And you don’t like to touch your collection that is as good as most museums combined,” Roxy teased gently.

“It was my great aunt’s dress,” Merlin said softly. “She was the one who taught me to sew.”

“Tell me,” Roxy said and while he finished the fitting he told her about the little boy who was broke but determined not to be made fun of for his hand me down clothes and every trick she had taught him from her war time sewing.

“You have her picture on your desk.”

“I do, a reminder to be careful with my invisible stitch, I get a little sloppy when rushed.”

“Only her photo though,” Roxy commented. “Pilar has Bors and betting soon Hamish the Second will have Owain.”

“Great Aunt Bernie is good for my needs,” Merlin said. “Now, I know you are going to kill a Nazi sympathizer, but if ye have the chance…”

“I have your list of ribbon that you need,” she replied.

“Good,” Merlin smiled. He helped her step down from the platform. “Walk a bit.”

Roxy moved about the room. “Bit tight,”

“A lot of clothes were a bit tight, war rationing.”

“No room for a gun.”

“No, you’ll have to rely on the poison that was concocted, but, Liz came up with a little toy,” Merlin said. He showed the tiny blade hidden in her pumps. “Just in case.”

“Thank you Merlin, excellent work as always,” Roxy paused, “I don’t know how to do my hair for this,” she admitted.

“I will show you,” he said happily. “We’ll have ye looking like a better Peggy Carter in no time.”

*************************************

Merlin and his team were eating pizza and drinking vast quantities of beer on their floor when Harry hurried in. “We need to send Bedievere to -”

“The inside of your rectum if ye finish that sentence,” Merlin warned.

“How would we even do that?”

“Trust me I will find a way,” Merlin warned. “We have spent the last three weeks readying a team dressed as peerage and peasants for the Great Exhibition opening. We worked our asses off and aren’t doing anything for 48 hours.”

“But Bedievere needs to -” Harry pushed.

Merlin pointed at the vault door. “He has a row of clothes in the vault.” He grabbed another slice of pizza.

“I am giving you an order,” Harry said stiffly.

The four on the floor went very very still and stared at him. Soon all pizza was down and everyone was reaching for the shears that were never more than a metre from them.

Harry began to back out of the room. “I -” he didn’t say anything else, just hurried away.

*************************************

“Wot the fuck is this?” Eggsy asked looking at himself. “Why do I keep getting punished?”

“Probably because you ruin our hard work, quite regularly,” Liz commented. “But lime green Izod looks great on you.”

“I look vile.”

“You do,” she agreed. “Wait until you see the pleated khakis.”

“Roxy gets her pick of assignments, and I get the fucking 80s? I hate the 80s.”

“Any reasonable person does,” Liz concurred. “But there is one advantage to them.”

“Wot?” Eggsy was frowning.

“Well hang out the front of the shop a bit, might get a chance to see young Harry or Merlin,” she whispered. “Merlin had hair, and Harry these floofy curls.” Liz nodded. “So you know, if you finish up before your return time…”

Eggsy perked up a great deal.

**************************************

“We have an embargo on the mid 18th Century, it is a mess!” Merlin roared and picked up a bolt of black watch plaid to beat Harry to death with. “It is the one time we cannae get right!”

“We need to stop this assassination!” Harry shouted. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“You always ask. Always!” Merlin snapped.

“Uh oh, Mum and Da are having a domestic,” Pilar stage whispered to Hamish the Second.

“I’ll stay with father after the divorce,” Hamish the Second replied not looking up from where he was mixing tumeric and a few other foods to make a natural dye.

“I’m two years younger than you,” Merlin said. “Arthur, tell me we have a month.”

“You have a week.” Harry handed him the file. “Lamorak needs to be there in a week.”

“Liz hit the books, Hamish the Second keep what ye are doing, Pilar and I will hit the galleries and get some photos.” Merlin sighed. “No one later than 1890 for two months, Arthur.”

“Of course, I swear,” Harry said.

The whole team rolled their eyes at that one.

***************************************

It was late and the work room was mostly empty. Merlin had let his team go hours ago hours ago, no one else would be allowed to help this mission anyways. He was always particular about this particular agent.

The agent in question sat on a chair in a robe, and Merlin ripped the seams out of the coat; the man had lost weight over the last year and it needed to be adjusted. They sat in silence as Merlin worked at the agent watched. Merlin pointed at the dressing area and the agent went over and stripped off his robe.

Merlin slowly and carefully dressed the agent in the layers a pirate would wear in 1685. He added the coat and began to pin it. He went around the agent’s back and adjusted the shoulders. He couldn’t help himself and leaned his forehead in between the shoulder blades.

“You promised me, no more, never again,” Merlin whispered.

Harry tried to turn around but Merlin wouldn’t let him. “This is a period I am best versed in.”

“I don’t care. Ye promised me. Ye promised not to leave my side again.” Merlin straightened and went back to work.

Harry was quiet. “I’ll come back to you.”

“Stop making me promises,” Merlin said harshly. He looked at the coat. “These buttons are all wrong.” He ruthlessly stripped them off the coat and went to the cupboard that had all the buttons.

Harry knew better than to move. “I’m going to come home to you.”

“Stop,” Merlin pleaded.

“I’m coming home, it’s one mission.”

“It’s piracy, those missions take months!”

“For you I’ll be gone a day,” Harry pointed out.

Merlin glared at him. “And you don’t think every minute of it feels like a day? That I don’t feel every month of your absence in my heart even if it is just ‘gone a day’? That you come back with more lines, and more grey, and I remember that on birth certificates ye are nine months younger than me? But your body is now four years older than mine.”

“The world needs us, the scales need to be kept balanced,” Harry whispered.

“Fuck the world,” Merlin snapped. He came over and began to sew on the new buttons. He finished and looked up at Harry raised a bit on the stand. “Fuck the world for taking you from me yet again.”

Harry cupped Merlin’s face. “I’m coming home. This time is different.”

“How?”

“Because Hamish, I’m was a rather dreadful soldier, but I am an excellent pirate. I stole your heart well enough didn’t I?”

Merlin refused to laugh.

“All locked up, but I stormed the ship’s walls, and found the treasure and kept it for my own. Arrrrrr,” Harry said.

Merlin groaned. “Harry, pirates don’t actually say, arrrr.”

“Let me plunder your wonders.”

“I’m not going to laugh.”

“Yes, you will,” Harry replied and kissed him.

Later Merlin would be mad at how they ruined a good bit of fabric but for now he held Harry close. “I feel every day you are gone, Harry.”

“I know, Hamish, pray for fast winds and clever sailors.”

“You’ll come home?” Merlin hated that he sounded scared.

“I will, with all my body parts this time too. Though have to say the missing eye will work well for this mission.” Harry kissed him. “Make me a clever eye patch.”

“The cleverest,” Merlin agreed and made a perfectly serviceable, period accurate one.

Harry came home, arms full of fabric and weaponry.

Merlin looked at him and didn’t say anything until they were home that night and he could gently touch the whip marks on Harry’s back stroke the new grey hairs, kiss the deepened lines around his eyes. “It wasn’t months was it,” Merlin whispered against his skin.

“It was,” Harry closed his eyes and just breathed Merlin in. He knew he would leave bruises with how tightly he was gripping the man. “Just 20 of them.”

“Harry.”

“Hamish, I came home,” Harry felt a tear slip out. “I came home, I came home.” He tried to stop himself from repeating the words but he couldn’t.

“Aye, Harry ye came home,” Merlin cut in. He kissed Harry and pushed him down on the bed. “Now may I shiver yer timbers?” He took off his shirt and looked down at Harry. “Permission to board?”

Harry let out a laughing gulp of a sob and nodded helplessly.

****************************************

“What’s going on?” Eggsy asked. He had been given a camera and notebook. He looked around all the agents had. And all the agents were there. “I don’t get it.”

“Now is the day we see how much all of you have fucked up,” Merlin said. “Every agent, and everyone on my team will be going to a couple museums today. Ye will look at paintings and sculptures and photos. And if you find one of your brethen in a piece of art you will photograph it and fill in the chart in the notebook. We of course will then cross check it with our database of other appearances.” At this the whole sewing crew glared at Harry and Taliesin. “And if an agent does not show up in any piece of art, they will receive a reward.”

“What reward?” Eggsy asked intrigued.

“A bespoke outfit, of your choosing, and a weekend away in Paris,” Merlin said.

“You don’t have the authority to grant a weekend off,” Harry pointed out, clutching his notebook.

“Considering you lead with your face showing up in 6 paintings, maybe ye shut up?” Merlin suggested.

“You are in two!” Harry snapped back.

“Wait, Merlin wasn’t joking, he has gone back?” Eggsy stared at Merlin. “Did you stab someone with a darning needle?” he joked.

The older agents groaned and Pilar snickered. Merlin handed his camera and notebook to Hamish the Second and went over to the wall with the metal throwing spot on it. He opened a panel and yanked out a claymore and swung it easily about twisting and turning until it rested against Eggsy’s neck. “Three missions,” Merlin said. “Issues during certain skirmishes over certain borders.”

“He was banned from going on any more because he had a slight issue getting a little stabby about Englishmen on Scottish soil,” Harry explained. “Became a bit of a folk legend, there is a poem or two, and a few paintings.”

Eggsy was staying very still. “You’re the guv, Merlin,” he said.

Merlin smiled and pulled the sword away. “I am. Now to your museums and none of you better show up in any art.”

8 hours later Merlin and his team were running the data and then called in the Kingsman. “Congratulations, Owain, you didn’t appear in anything.”

“No way was I in anything,” Gawain complained.

Liz ran a clip from the show Vikings. “Please tell me that this character isn’t based on a historical record that awfully matches a description of you?”

Gawain gave a winning smile, but none were moved.

“I would be happy to assist Owain with his reward,” Hamish the Second said formally.

“Very well,” Merlin agreed. “And ye have a weekend off as well, because of all the hard work you have done.”

Owain was bouncing on his toes. “Hey look, we both have a weekend off.”

“We do indeed,” Hamish the Second agreed.

Merlin hustled everyone out of the room.

“Why don’t none of you wingman like that for me?” Eggsy asked. “I feel like this was rigged.”

“Newspaper article 1896, your face appears in a crowd sketch,” Pilar said. “Noticeable because -”

“Because I have modern face.”

“Come on, Eggsy, we’ll go to a club, wingman for each other,” Roxy offered.

“You’re the best,” Eggsy said. “Harry, you want to come along find a shag?” Everyone stopped and looked at Eggsy. “What?”

“Eggsy, if I want a shag, I just ask my husband, as I have done for the last 15 years,” Harry said slowly.

Eggsy blinked. “You ain’t married.”

“Okay, technically not, but we refer to each other as husband.”

“Who?”

“Good god, ye are a fucking spy,” Merlin muttered. He kissed Harry thoroughly. “And you can absolutely have a shag tonight.”

“Thank you darling.”

“Oh my god, this makes other things make so much more sense now,” Eggsy realized. “I’m a moron.”

“But pretty,” Roxy said. “It balances out.”

“Thanks, I think,” Eggsy said.

****************************************

“Happy birthday, Merlin,” Gawain said and dumped a bunch of fabric on the table. He nodded and left. He had been the third agent to do so this week and they expected more to roll in over the next few days. The whole team descended on the pile like vultures.

“Oh look at this pelt,” Hamish the Second crooned. “Excellent.”

“Sheep gut thread,” Pilar said happily.

“Hmmm, a good haul,” Merlin agreed. “Catalogue and store.”

Every agent went out and brought back Merlin fabric and ribbons, buttons and thread from different eras to celebrate his 55th birthday.

Every agent except Harry, because he had promised no more missions. Instead he scoured shops and markets and found bolts of fabric from the sixties and seventies and bought any and every he found.

He also found antique shears and an early sewing machine. He went overboard but he couldn’t help himself, especially when he saw Merlin’s smile.

It was still worth it when Merlin tried to stab him with those shears for wanting to send people to the restoration period with two weeks notice.

****************************************

“Harry, we agreed no more missions for you.”

“Not for me, for us,” Harry explained. He held up a pile of clothes. “One day mission, quite vital we both go.”

Merlin looked. “Those are my denim, and my Arsenal shirt.”

“They are,” Harry agreed. He held up his own set.

“I feel like you are abusing your power right now,” Merlin said.

“I absolutely am,” Harry agreed. They dressed and were sent back not terribly far. They watched Arsenal win the 94 championship and when the crowds went wild Harry whispered, “Marry me.”

Merlin stopped cheering and looked at him. “You bastard, all this just to ask that?” He began to laugh, “You could have just taken me to our chip shop and asked.”

“Forgive me for the romance,” Harry replied as beer was poured on them from other celebrators.

“Aye, I will marry you.” Merlin said. They squeezed hands and then celebrated the victory before returning home.

*****************************************

“Okay, listen I know you don’t like sending me to the Elizabethan shit, but it is a vital mission,” Eggsy said. He looked at the team. “And you’ve dressed me for 1604, so 1598 no biggie right?” He smiled. “You can have me good to go in three days, no problem.”

Merlin grabbed the pinking shears. “Arthur!” he roared and stalked off to find his husband.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Time-like Curve](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15519831) by [thenerdyindividual](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenerdyindividual/pseuds/thenerdyindividual)




End file.
